It ain't no lie baby bye bye bye

Once when I was playing singstar with a friend of mine, we sang Bye Bye Bye. He didn't know the song but he sang it anyway because he saw that I really wanted to sing it. 

Or maybe just because he didn't have nothing better to do. But I like to think that it wasn't just that. I know I'm weird, leave me alone with my fantasies.

So we sang it and we were alone, everyone had disappeared for forgotten reasons. And it was awesome because he doesn't really know this crazy me that sings boybands' songs and just dances around. 

I wish he could get to know me again. 

He was smirking the whole time while I was just really having fun. It was so nice. I had completely forgotten about this little episode but then Bye Bye Bye came on shuffle and I started to imagine myself singing this song in front of my friends when I realized that it actually happened. 

It was the last time I saw him. The last time I talked to him. The freaking last time. I miss spending time with him and having fun. 

Now he thinks he's too cool to be friends with someone like me. And it sucks. It really sucks. Am I that stupid for not smoking or not getting drunk everyday? I must be because I'm the only person I know that don't do it. Maybe I know the wrong people. 

Bottom line is: I really like boybands. 

Things get better

Hi hello hey how's it going.

Basically that was me trying to decide how I should start this post. 

I wasn't very effective, was I?

Yeah...

Anyways... I was feeling like doing a little update on my eventful life (lol). Things are kind of good now. The 2nd Term is almost over which means that I finally have some free time to relax. 

But most important, school does not feel that bad anymore. Idk, there were some conflicts (?) with some people before but they were good in a way because they're the reason I got to know other people from my class. It's funny because I've known these people for two years now and I had never really spoken to them. Now we talk which is good and I feel good when I'm around them. 

The conflicts are now over which is great. I missed them. I have to say it. It was awful not talking to them all because I actually care about them. They make laugh. I really like people who make me laugh. 

I realized that I had made up this really scenario where everyone was really mean but the thing is I was the one who was not seeing things correctly. They're not that bad at all. It feels good not hating everyone, to be honest. But mostly, it feels good to know that people actually like you. I forgot how it was like to be... liked? Loved? Whatever. 

Ok this is it. I'll see you when I'll see you.

Self Inflicted

I am empty. Or full. I don't even know. I can't decide if I need something new or if I just need to go back in time. I know that something's missing because I'm pretty sure that the best part of your day isn't suppose to be the time you go to bed. The thing is, I know exactly what's missing but I keep denying it because it's been too long and I need to leave it behind. But how am I suppose to leave behind the best times of my life, the best people I have ever known? I can't I just can't. I refuse. Even if they don't care about me anymore. I don't want to forget. But remembering how good things were back in that time is so painful because now things are so screwed up. And I miss him. I miss them. They liked me, they really cared about me. Now no one likes me, no one really knows me. Now all that's left are memories and my sadness. 

Curly-haired angel

He said it. He said it. He told Bo that he loved her!!!! This chapter was so breath taking! It gave me goosebumps like seriously! This has never happened. I love Dark so much. When I read it, everything seems so pointless. I mean who cares about school and stupid people when Harry and Bo are the definition of otp. I just can't handle this. Too many emotions. 

"How could such anger and hatred come from someone so breath-taking?" 

Keep me warm

I am swimming in a pool but it doesn't have water, nope, it has my TEARS. So I really need to talk about this.

I've just read the most heart breaking chapter of Dark. And I just can't because I have so many feels. Seriously. Harry is so mad at Bo. He's being so mean to her, I wanna cry. POOR BO. 

"Keep me warm." ARE YOU KIDDING HARRY? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING? Ughhhhh I just wanna punch him because he's being so stupid. Bo didn't tell him because well she was afraid he would do something stupid like MURDER SOMEONE. 

I really felt like crying when I read this chapter. I still feel like crying now. I know this is not the real Harry he's just feeling betrayed and he's furious with the whole situation but it's so hard to see him being harsh with Bo. 

I really wanna read the next chapter now because I miss my baby Harry who is lovely and says that the right side of his heart belongs to Bo. I hate the I-will-kill-anyone-in-sight-Harry. I'm so anxious to know what is going to happen next but I can't read another chapter because the fanfiction is now on hiatus and I only have like 3 chapters left. When I finnish I will read again but that's not the point, I want to read it really slowly so I can ~enjoy all these feels. 

And that's it for tonight. Tomorrow is thursday which means that the day after tomorrow is friday which means weakendddd yey!! Ok bye xx  

I'd always come back to you

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me
And i'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close
You put your arms around me and i'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close...

You put your arms around me and i'm home

I've tried my best to never let you in, to see the truth.
And I've never opened up, I've never truly love 'til you

Put your arms around me
And i believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause i'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Hello Beautiful

Guys I'm so desperate. I'm swimming in a huge pool full of feels and I can't get out. I have butterflies in my stomach. B u t t e r f l i e s. And why? Because of a fanfiction. I know that I said that fanfictions sucked and bla bla bla but this one is so good. I'm talking about Dark. If you're into the 1D fandom you probably know what I'm talking about. 

So basically the story is about Bo and Harry. Bo is an innocent girl with a normal life and Harry is this dangerous guy with a dark past. In the first chapters you get the feeling that Harry is disgusting and the worst person ever and that he's abusing Bo. But then you start to see his soul and that he's hopelessly in love with her. And then comes a point where you can't stop reading it. And you get sucked into the story. 

Usually when I read a book or whatever I never picture myself as one of the characters, but the thing with Dark is that I see myself as Bo which is so awkward in so many ways. This is twilight all over again. No this is even worse. 

It's not even about the fact that the main character "is" Harry because it's obvious that I have a huge crush on Harry, but Harry from Dark is the opposite of the real Harry. He looks like Harry but he's totally different from him. I can't stop thinking about him. I get so angry and sad when I'm not reading it. It's like an addiction and you just can't stop. And even if I could stop, I don't want to. I don't wish I was Bo because she didn't have an easy life but I wish I had Harry. Because he loves her so much, he trusts her, and behind that mask there's a beautiful soul that he only shows to her. I feel guilty because I feel incredibly sad because Harry is just a fictional character when there's people with huge problems. 

You know that line "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" from Somebody You Used To Know, that's the most accurate thing ever said. I am addicted to this darkness. 

I'll be writing about this a lot, I need to express myself because I am going crazy seriously. 

Currently trying to stop crying my heart out

Hi.

School is back which sucks. And all I see is people from college saying that people from high school should stop complaining and be thankful because they're not in college. That's funny because last year they were also complaining about high school. 

This just really annoys me. 

I complain a lot about school. And I hate school. Because I have no friends there. And I feel lonely and miserable when I'm at school and that's why I hate it. Not because I have to study. I obviously don't like to study but I know I have to do it so... 

Anyways, I'm here because I feel horrible. I have to go to school tomorrow. I feel so awful when I'm there. If people only knew. 

Since I moved here, that school has always been a nightmare for me, but this year is the worst by far. I barely know my classmates (even though we're been in the same class for two year now lol) and the ones I know are so shallow and ignorants. 

I try to be my happy self when I'm there, I swear. But it's so hard. I just want to get out of this place and come back home. I just want me and my family to be happy again.