I can't breathe

I am so stressed out right now. I just want to sleep under a rock and never wake up. It's 19th of November which means that my birthday is coming. 

It also means that next week I have a global math test and that I need to study for it but I don't fell like doing it so here I am.

About my birthday... well I'm feeling very nervous about it. Usually I start planning my birthday like 6 months before but this year because I'm a sucker for birthdays. But this year I haven't planned anything. At all. And I think my parents are forgetting about it as well! I really need to remind them how much I want an iPhone though. 

Anyways, I just want to stop time and think about all the things I have to do and organize my teenage life. Because I have tons of little things to worry about and I am exhausted because my brain never stops thinking about every little detail. 

I really need a break. Not only psychologically but also physically. All this stress have accumulated into my back and I know that this sounds weird but I couldn't move because of the pain. And it was all thanks to stress. 

The only thing that I want to do is sleep because it's only time when I can rest. Well, not really because I always end up thinking about all the stuff that I need to do in the next day before I fall asleep. I wake up already tired and exhausted. 

And even when I have free time, the only thing that I can think of is how busy the next day or week or whatever will be!! I feel like I'm in this cage where I can't breathe. I'm completely suffocated and I just want to rest my brain. 

Feelings and stuff

Something that really annoys me is the fact that I can never describe what I'm feeling. But I have tons of feelings bursting in my head and I just want to write them down but I'm no poet or whatsoever. I wish I was though. 

Anyways, it's sunday night and I am completely devastated because tomorrow is monday. School is so depressing right now, I've never hated school as much as I hate it now. People are just too rude and ignorant and I really can't stand it anymore. I used to think that the problem was me, that I didn't even try to know them but it's not true. The more I know them, the more I hate them. It has never been this bad. I've always had one or two people who I liked to be with, but those people made some pretty bad things and I can't be in the same room as them. I just can't. I basically pretend to be someone else when I go to school because I have to pretend that I don't hate them. I swear I try not to hate them but they keep giving me reasons to do so. And then I have my perfect little world with all my fictional characters and tv shows and I just want to stay there forever and ever. Which makes going to school even harder because I can't be in my little world there. I have to talk to those sneaky little bitches (I'm sorry for the language but it's true) and smile pretending that everything is fine, when all I want is to go home, listen to my music and dream about my fictional characters. I really hope things get better.