I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination

I'm having like this huge meltdown. I'm really going to miss Gossip Girl. So many memories. Not only about the episodes and the characters but also our own memories that are attached to the tv shows. 

I just feel really sad because it's like the end of an era. It's so weird to think that I will never see another Chuck and Blair drama again. Or have all those mixed and beautiful feelings. I don't even know. 

I just really like to get lost in a story. It makes everything easier. I'm not talking about this anymore because to be honest I don't want to explore these feelings again. I already did that last night and I was kinda of a mess so I better not do it again. 

I'll miss you guys

I used to be love drunk but now I'm hungover

I must warn you that this post will sound really cheesy and that I will probably regret posting it and eventually delete it.

I thought I was being paranoid when I thought that everyone was different (in a really bad way) but I got the confirmation on my birthday. 

One of my best friends in this whole world didn't wish me a happy birthday. I know it's not that big of a deal. But for me kinda is because I love my birthday and I like that the people I care about remember it. But that's not even the worse. The thing is we used to freaking talk everyday. We were the best friends is world. Seriously. I've never had a friendship like that. He is (or was) a guy that you would hate at first because he seems like a really stupid person at first but then you get to know him and realize that he has (or had) a beautiful soul. I don't even know what I'm saying. I really though that though. 

Anyways, I invited him to my birthday party like I do every year. But he told everyone except me that he didn't want to come because he was too old for my birthday parties and that they were really boring and such. And he actually convinced two of my friends not to come. My freaking best friend. And those three didn't even have the courage to tell me that they weren't coming. 

I am astonished with what I feel about them because I really think I hate them. I don't want to see them ever again. I swear. I don't even want to talk to them. I hate them. I just hate them. 

Ok I know I'm a freaking nerd, I don't like to party and drink all night, I don't smoke, I've never been drunk in my whole life. But that's who I am. I'm not ashamed of that and I will never be. I like to watch Harry Potter marathons and read books while drinking tea, those are the things I like to do. I like to laugh about simple and silly stuff. I like pajamas and milk. I love singing. I love to be a teenager and a little kid at the same time. That's what I want to be my whole life. Not a freaking whore who only smokes shit like most girls of my age. 

I'm done with them. I don't ever want to talk to them or even see them. They have just lost me without even knowing it. This really made see who my real friends are and I love them so much, they're the sweetest people I've ever met. And they never let me down. 

I held on to 16 as long as I could

I'm officially 17 now! Which makes me so sad because I want to be 9 again and be 9 forever! But I can't so I'll just keep growing outside and be a child inside forever. 

My parents gave an iPod Touch and I loooooove it! I had a iPod Touch but it has like four years and I really wanted the new one. So yeah I'm happy about that. 

I woke up with my family singing happy birthday to me and it was really sweet. My dad actually searched for videos of Harry singing happy birthday so I could wake up with his voice which I thought it was soooooo cool! 

I had to go to school but I only went to my first class which was Biology and skipped Chemistry. In Biology I found out that I got a 20 out of 20 on a test so I guess it was worth it. 

After school I went shopping with my family, I bought awesome clothes and tons of socks. I really love socks ok. I'll post some pictures later. I also bought all the Christmas' presents that I needed to buy which was awesome! Uh and I bought an iPod case and it's New York related which I love!!! 

Then I went to Starbucks and drank a venti Caramel Hot Chocolate like I do every year on my birthday. And finally we all ate pizza at dinner.

I was really disappointed about my birthday cake because it was supposed to be Batman related and have the bat symbol and all that but they didn't make what I ask them to so it looked awful. On the other hand, it was delicious so it's ok. 

Lazy Day

Ok so hi! 

Today is the first day of what is about to be my last Christmas' break while I'm on high school. I can't really decide if that's good or not.

I have about 15 days to celebrate Christmas, watch tv shows and movies, listen to all the music that I can and eat as much food as my stomach can handle. 

About the Christmas spirit, that's not a problem for me because I'm as christmasy as it gets. Christmas is my favorite time of the year! But I'll do a post talking about it later. 

I don't really know why am I writing this post because everytime I write about something I decide that I should do a post only talking about that something so I delete all that I wrote. And that was how this post happened. 

Basically this was just a celebrating post. Celebrating what, you ask. Well... Life! Nope, just kidding. Celebrating the fact that I won't have to go to school for 15 days WOOP WOOP.

Oh my god, what if the world really ends? I hope not! Seriously... what if? I should write a post about it as well shouldn't I? 

OH GOD TURN AROUD JUST CAME ON SHUFFLE, I'M MENTALLY DANCING. THIS IS MY JAM. I LOVE CONOR MAYNARD OK AND NE YO TOO BECAUSE HIS SONGS HAVE SOUL.

I don't what just happened. I'm sorry. But that song messes with me. 

Ok that's all for this post. 

I can't breathe

I am so stressed out right now. I just want to sleep under a rock and never wake up. It's 19th of November which means that my birthday is coming. 

It also means that next week I have a global math test and that I need to study for it but I don't fell like doing it so here I am.

About my birthday... well I'm feeling very nervous about it. Usually I start planning my birthday like 6 months before but this year because I'm a sucker for birthdays. But this year I haven't planned anything. At all. And I think my parents are forgetting about it as well! I really need to remind them how much I want an iPhone though. 

Anyways, I just want to stop time and think about all the things I have to do and organize my teenage life. Because I have tons of little things to worry about and I am exhausted because my brain never stops thinking about every little detail. 

I really need a break. Not only psychologically but also physically. All this stress have accumulated into my back and I know that this sounds weird but I couldn't move because of the pain. And it was all thanks to stress. 

The only thing that I want to do is sleep because it's only time when I can rest. Well, not really because I always end up thinking about all the stuff that I need to do in the next day before I fall asleep. I wake up already tired and exhausted. 

And even when I have free time, the only thing that I can think of is how busy the next day or week or whatever will be!! I feel like I'm in this cage where I can't breathe. I'm completely suffocated and I just want to rest my brain. 

Feelings and stuff

Something that really annoys me is the fact that I can never describe what I'm feeling. But I have tons of feelings bursting in my head and I just want to write them down but I'm no poet or whatsoever. I wish I was though. 

Anyways, it's sunday night and I am completely devastated because tomorrow is monday. School is so depressing right now, I've never hated school as much as I hate it now. People are just too rude and ignorant and I really can't stand it anymore. I used to think that the problem was me, that I didn't even try to know them but it's not true. The more I know them, the more I hate them. It has never been this bad. I've always had one or two people who I liked to be with, but those people made some pretty bad things and I can't be in the same room as them. I just can't. I basically pretend to be someone else when I go to school because I have to pretend that I don't hate them. I swear I try not to hate them but they keep giving me reasons to do so. And then I have my perfect little world with all my fictional characters and tv shows and I just want to stay there forever and ever. Which makes going to school even harder because I can't be in my little world there. I have to talk to those sneaky little bitches (I'm sorry for the language but it's true) and smile pretending that everything is fine, when all I want is to go home, listen to my music and dream about my fictional characters. I really hope things get better.

Venting

Heyy!! Ok so the main reason why I'm here is: people from my class have invaded twitter. I'm really frustrated because twitter is my thing, is where I blab and vent about stuff that no one I know in real life should know about. Twitter is my journal to be quite honest. And I don't like the fact that people I see everyday read my tweets. I never say what I think, I always think 239840239842 times before I say something and I don't want to have to do that on twitter. I just don't.

Anyways, let's talk about cool things. I've been writing a story/fiction. I imagine like thousands of stories in my head but I never really write them because I think that I can't put those images I imagine in my head in paper. So I decided to write a fanfiction but not those where people only have sex with their idol because that's really awkward and disgusting. People are so crazy. Girls with 12, 13, 14 ... years old writing sex scenes, what the hell is that? I'm 16 and I feel like I am too young for those kind of things and then there's people like those girls who obviously know way more about sex than me. Ok moving on... I'm stuck on my story I don't know how to write what's going to happen next. I mean, I know what's going to happen next but I don't know how to write it. And it's really frustrating!! 

On another note, me and best friend are fine again. I spent a weekend with her in her house and it was really awesome. I love her really much, she's my person, she really is. She's the only person in this whole world besides my family that I can honestly say that I love her. And I don't say the word love very often. I'm glad that we are cool again. 

About school and stuff... well I'm really stressed about my exams and all that stuff but I'm trying to stay cool. I'm trying to be more positive and to believe that things will go just fine and that everything's gonna be alright. Sometimes is really hard but you know that's life. 

Now I'll leave you with a gif of Harry Styles aka my bf in other dimension because he's freaking beautiful and I love him.

Stuff

Okkkkk so I just saw these questions on tumblr so I decided to answer them here yey! 

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed, I hate sleeping with them open.
2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Nope but my mom does lulz
3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tucked in 
4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Nope
5:Do you like to use post-it notes?
I loveeeee post-it notes
6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Nope
7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Probably a big bear because I don't like bugs
8:Do you have freckles?
Nope
9:Do you always smile for pictures?
Yes! When I don't smile I just look really really bad
10:What is your biggest pet peeve?
When I'm talking and people pretend that they're paying attention when they're actually ignoring me
11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
lol no
12:Have you ever peed in the woods?
I don't think so but I'm not sure
13:What about pooped in the woods?
Noooooo, that would be creepy
14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
Every time, I'm always dancing 
15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Yes! 
16:How many people have you slept with this week?
402 because that's how I roll. No jk I'm not Harry Styles
17:What size is your bed?
I don't even know 
18:What is your Song of the week?
Probably I Should've Kissed You by One Direction
19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Of course
20:Do you still watch cartoons?
Obviouslyyyyy! who doesn't?
21:Whats your least favorite movie?
Least favorite as in a movie that it's in my "favorites list" but in last place? Because if it's that then I have no idea.
22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Under my dog's house just because it would be cool
23:What do you drink with dinner?
Water because cool people only drink water
24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I don't know in ketchup? 
25:What is your favorite food?
It's chinese pasta with a turkey steak. And mac and cheese.
26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Resident Evil, Titanic, every Disney movie and I suddenly forgot all the movies I love
27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Rachel I guess (on the cheek obviously)
28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Nope
29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
LOOOL no
30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I've never written a letter to anyone
31:Can you change the oil on a car?
Nope
32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
I don't even drive
33:Ever ran out of gas?
Noooo
34:Favorite kind of sandwich?
Tuna sandwich
35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Scones
36:What is your usual bedtime?
1am/2am
37:Are you lazy?
Yup
38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I didn't really celebrate Halloween until 7th grade and in that year I dressed up as a vampire
39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Pig
40:How many languages can you speak?
Two
41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope
42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
Legos, I don't even know what licoln logs are
43:Are you stubborn?
Yes
44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
I don't know, I don't watch any of them
45:Ever watch soap operas?
Yes
46:Are you afraid of heights?
A little bit
47:Do you sing in the car?
EVERY SINGLE TIME
48:Do you sing in the shower?
EVERY SINGLES TIME
49:Do you dance in the car?
EVERY SINGLE TIME
50:Ever used a gun?
Nope
51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
3 years ago or something
52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Nooooooo, musicals are the best
53:Is Christmas stressful?
Nooooo, it's freaking awesome!
54:Ever eat a pierogi?
nope
55:Favorite type of fruit pie?
Appleeeee
56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Vet
57:Do you believe in ghosts?
I'm not sure
58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Yes
59:Take a vitamin daily?
Nope
60:Wear slippers?
Yup
61:Wear a bath robe?
Nope
62:What do you wear to bed?
My PJ
63:First concert?
Katy Perry
64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
I've never been to any of those but I would probably choose Wal-Mart I guess
65:Nike or Adidas?
Nike
66:Cheetos Or Fritos?
Cheetos
67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts
68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No
69:Ever take dance lessons?
Does ballet count? 
70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
I guess that my future spouse would be a doctor or a football player or maybe a singer 
71:Can you curl your tongue?
Yes
72:Ever won a spelling bee?
Nope
73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes
74:Own any record albums?
Nope :(
75:Own a record player?
Nope :(
76:Regularly burn incense?
Nope
77:Ever been in love?
I'm not sure but I think I have been in love once
78:Who would you like to see in concert?
One Direction, John Mayer, Maroon 5 (again), Taylor Swift
79:What was the last concert you saw?
It was in a summer festival and I saw Maroon 5 and Lenny Kravitz
80:Hot tea or cold tea?
Hot
81:Tea or coffee?
Coffee
82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Sugar
83:Can you swim well?
I guess
84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Yes... I think it's pretty easy
85:Are you patient?
Sometimes yes
86:DJ or band, at a wedding?
Band totally
87:Ever won a contest?
Yup, one in 1st grade ahah
88:Ever have plastic surgery?
Nope
89:Which are better black or green olives?
None, I hate olives
90:Can you knit or crochet?
Yes
91:Best room for a fireplace?
Living room
92:Do you want to get married?
I think I don't
93:If married, how long have you been married?
94:Who was your HS crush?
High School.... I'm still in high school lolz 
95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Not really
96:Do you have kids?
Nope
97:Do you want kids?
I'm not sure
98:Whats your favorite color?
Blue
99:Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes

Yeeeeeey! This was actually the first time I did this kind of things, it was fun!

I like to be random

I wanted to write about the Break Up episode (I'm talking about Glee) but then Harry happened and completely forgot about what I was going to write. For those who don't know Harry is my boyfriend, jk he's my husband. No, I'm kidding he's just a guy named Harry. Anyways, I was listening to Harry and Nick on bbc radio 1 and I realized that I have so many cool songs to download but I've been so lazy to download songs lately. How can you be lazy about downloading songs? Ohhhhh that reminds that today I bought the most perfect album ever made, which is..... SONGS ABOUT JANE by Maroon 5. I bought it because it was really cheap so yeah. I don't know I like to have CDs even if I have all the songs on my iTunes library. I wanted to write about something that really bothers which is judgmental people. But now I don't feel like writing about it so yeah. I think that's it, I'll probably post something later so see youuuuuu soon!

Stop it

Some stupid magazine published that Harry slept with 410 women in one year and suddenly all the girls that used to say that they loved him and all that, are saying mean things but so so so mean. What the hell is wrong with this world? First, do you seriously believe that he slept with 410 different women? And even if he did it's not your damn business! He's still the same caring person that you supposedly worship! I don't understand people seriously. I mean, I admit that I'm a fan of Harry and 1D, but as a fan I care so much about him I would never say those mean things to him even if he had slept with 92038402938 women! I know I can't really say that I know him, but I have seen so many videos and interviews of Harry that I think I actually know him, at least a little bit. He's such a lovely person, they all are. Just stop saying mean things. It hurts. They're real people with feelings for God's sake!

How can people say those things... Seriously. It actually hurts me to think that he's sad. I know it's stupid because I don't even know him or will ever know him but I don't know I just really care about him. About them all. And I guess that's what a true fan is about. Loving their work and the lovely people they are. 

We were infinite

I'm really buried with feelings. I miss my friends, the ones I thought I would never miss because they would always be here. I always missed them because I didn't see them everyday as I used to but we talked all the time. Now we don't. Everyone's different, except me! Am I the only one who hasn't changed? Am I the problem? I really don't understand. We used to be so closed, like a family. And one by one they started to disappear. I never in a million years thought that something like this would happen. I remember once telling my two best friends: "We, right here, right now, are forever guys and I mean it." And it felt so right. We were going through some bad stuff so it was a really beautiful moment. At least in my memory because I bet they don't remember this at all. There was another moment that I will never forget, never never never! In the "last day" I spent in my "hometown" (it was not really the last day because I go there all the time but it was the last day that it felt like the place where I live) it was late and I had to go to my new home so my best friend and I really mean it when I say my best friend hugged me and we just stood there crying for minutes. It was one of those moments you only see in movies. It was awful but lovely at the same time. I love him so so so so much (as a friend obviously) but I believe that he doesn't care about me anymore which feels like someone is constantly punching me in the stomach. I wish he remember all the things we did, how much we laughed together, how much we shared with each other, how silly we were together, how everything felt perfect when we were together. This feels like I'm talking about a boyfriend but I swear I'm not, he's just a really special person for me, he truly is my best friend. I will be missing him forever. The person he used to be at least. I will be missing tons of people but especially him! I can't explain this, sometimes I think I'm crazy and that "he" never existed but then I read old conversations between us and all of sudden everything seems real. I'm sorry for this whining but we are my brotp. 

I know you will never read this but I love you and I will love you forever even when you don't remember who I am. 

I do like nutella but don't tell her

Let's just take a minute to appreciate Harry's perfection. He reminds me of someone that I know in real life but I can't remember who. Which is very annoying because if I know someone who looks like Harry well HOW CAN I NOT REMEMBER WHO IT IS? On another note I swear that I'm not usually like this! But I don't know this is the only place where I can share my passion for Harry and One Direction without being judged. 

Mad world

I am really mad. Seriously. People are going crazy! I'm talking about One Direction fans but I don't think you can call those people fans though. People are always making stuff about Louis and Harry being a couple and you know they're really cute together but in a bromance way! This has gone too far and Louis got really sick of it and just told everyone what he felt about it on twitter. And suddenly all the people who used to say that they loved 1D and Louis and bla bla started to say really bad things to Louis. I'm so frustrated! I don't understand how can they do that. I am a One Direction fan and really really like them! As a fan I would never ever ever ever in this whole world tell Louis the mean things people have told him. One Direction are only 5 teenage boys who love to sing and they are such a natural talent. I don't understand how some people hate them in the first place but what's even worse than that is the fact that actual so called fans are sending Louis hate. Because he said that Larry is a total bullshit! He's right! Stop being mean to him ARGH he's such a lovely human being, how can you do this to him? He's a person with feelings and I bet that your mean words really hurt him. I wish I could tell him how wonderful he is and how he has tons of people around the world who really love him! Argh that's why I hate people! 

You light up my world like nobody else!

I may or may not be developing a huge crush on Harry Styles. I know it's a cliché but I don't know how to explain this. One Direction has won my heart. There I said it. I love their songs, I love them, they're so nice! I can't really pick one and say "he's my favourite!" But I'm having these feelings about Harry that I can't really explain, he reminds me of puppies and rainbows and you just can't not like puppies and rainbows. But all the boys... they're so cute and they're actually best friends. I've watched all the videos of their youtube channel and ughhhh they're so awesome! I hope I'll like them forever because they make me so happy! I guess that's the good thing about being a teenager and fangirl, the smallest thing makes you happy!  

Yup, that's what I'm talking about...

Nothing's fine I'm torn

Hey guys! So school is about to start and I'm becoming more and more depressed. Not about the people even though I'm not nearly excited to see them all again. It's more about the studying part and all that. Not because I'll have to work just because I'm really scared. I completely failed at my Finals and I have no confidence in me. The only thing that I was confidence about me was my work, because it used to be the only thing where I was good at. But now... I feel so disappointed at myself, I feel like a loser. All I wanted to do my whole life was to be a doctor. Now I just want to go to college and experienced the college life no matter what the course is. Because, to be honest, I know I will never be able to have the grades I need in my Finals. So I'm doomed. Anyways I don't really want to talk about that. I'm really worried because I can't see me studying again, not as I used to. I'm really down, those exams took a big part of me. I don't know who I am anymore... as a student I mean. Plus I have no one in my school to support me, they all want to see me fail to be quite honest. I'm really tired of failure. And this past year all I did was fail. And I don't want to fail again, ever! The thing is I don't know what is like to succeed anymore and that scares me. I don't know when did this happen because school was always easy to me, having good grades was always easy for me and now here I am with my heart totally broken because I might not be a doctor after all. And no one believes in me anymore and that hurts. I just wish I had good grades in my exams because I would be in cloud nine right now. By the end of this school year I'm going to have to repeat my 11th exams which means I'm going to do 4 exams in two weeks... I'm not confident about it at all. I'm praying that some kind of miracle happens and that the universe will help through this. I'm going to try my best obviously but what if my best is not enough? I'm just... completely torn. 

My first mini haul

Helloo! So today I'm gonna do a mini haul! Woop woop! I bought some clothes and stuff that I really really loved and I decided that I wanted to show you. By the way I want to apologize in advance because of the quality of the pictures. I haven't find a cool spot to put the clothes and take a picture of them so the pictures are really bad and I'm really sorry for that! 

The first thing is a watch. This was a gift and it's reallyyyyy pretty, I love it. It's from Swatch and it was kind of expensive but yeah I'm in love with it. I've been wanting a watch for so much time but never really wanted to spend so much money on something like that so I never really bought one. But then G said that she would buy me a watch so I was really happy about it. 

This a little oversized pullover that I found in sales so it was really cheap. It's really pretty and it's really soft and I loveeee its color because it reminds of Fall and hot chocolate. 

The 3rd thing is this denim shirt. Oh my god I can't tell how much I love this shirt. First it's oversized and I was looking for a denim oversized shirt for months! I love oversized clothes as you can see. It was kind of expensive but it's so beautiful so I had to buy it. Also a random fact, I wanted to buy the large size but my mom wouldn't let so I had to buy the medium. As I said I like to have super oversized clothes!

Oh my god, these trousers are like my best friends right now. They're high waisted! I've been looking for these kind of trousers for so many time and I finally found them in H&M. They're so beautiful! And also really cheap for a trouser. (I'm sorry for my foot standing there, yes I like hello kitty socks) 

And that's it! I will probably do a September favorites later on. For now I will keep on with the depressive posts and the mini hauls. See ya xx :) 

Heart on fire

I don't know what to say. And it's 1 am and I wish it wasn't this late. I actually wrote a text talking about my best friend and how I'm so sad and mad at her. But I deleted it because I'm still hoping that this is just a phase. Which I'm sure it's not, but still. Whatever, I still have my tv shows, my books and my music and they never leave me. 

Bad day today. 

The perks of being me

This is a random post (again) because I feel like talking but I don't have anyone to talk to.

Ok so I realized that I've always loved tv shows!!! When I was little I used to spent hours watching Disney Channel and I loved its tv shows and I actually shipped some couples! Even before Disney Channel I shipped people on soap operas and stuff lol. 

Lately I've been spending a lot of time on youtube and I found this channel http://www.youtube.com/user/nerimon/videos which is totally awesome! It's Alex's channel who is a friend of charlieissocoollike. Anyways, Alex has filmed himself reading twilight and he basically makes fun of it. Ok so I have to tell that when I saw Twilight (the first movie) I loved it. Don't judge me, I was 13! I loved it so much that I bought the book and in that time I hated reading. I loved the book so I bought the other three. I loved them so much. I was so in love with Edward Cullen. You don't understand how I was obsessed with Twilight. Then it became too popular (and I hate when things get popular because even if it's a great thing it becomes stupid when it's popular, idk how to explain myself) and I forgot about it but it's still a soft spot. The thing is, now I find the whole story so funny but in that time my world revolved around it. Ohhh how things change. 

On another note, I dreamt about my 7th grade crush. Ugh it sucked because I hate him now. My sub-conscience doesn't stop reminding me that he exists and that I had a crush on him FIVE YEARS AGO. Please stop it. I find him so disgusting now, I can't even explain. 

Also, I must tell that I'm in love with Bruce Wayne. I wish Batman was real. 

Besides that, I should tell you that I feel really fat lol. I've been eating too much crap lately, maybe it's because of that........... 

And I realized that I don't have Love Story by Taylor Swift on my iTunes library! How's that possible? I haven't listened to it in years now I understand why.

And this was my crappy post of the dayyyyy! Muah! (Just so you know, muah is the sound of a kiss)

Home is where your heart is

I've finally realized that next year will be my senior year. When did this happen? I hate to hate school because to be honest I've always loved school. What's not to love about it? Yes you have to study and bla bla but you spend your whole day with your friends laughing at your teachers, being scared about exams together. School should be perfect. But it's not. At least not for me. I don't have friends at my school, seriously I don't like any of them. How is that possible? They're all so mean. I hate feeling this way. And what I hate the most is that high school is almost over and I didn't have the high school experience I've always wanted to have. In 7th/8th grade I was really into those cheesy teenage american movies and I used to say that I loved high school because I thought that high school started at 7th grade whatever details details. Then real high school came and I started to hate high school, I started to feel like an outcast, like the underdog, like that fragile girl who lives in her own little world. I always thought that I'd be the popular girl, not the mean one, the one that loves everybody and that everybody loves. I was always like that. Then I moved to another town, changed school, became mad and I changed completely. This damn town changed me, and I'm so mad because high school should have been the greatest time of my life. I will never have high school again, never never never. I really just want to be a normal teenager. I just wanna have tons of friends and a boyfriend and go to parties. But I'm not good with people, I think teenage boys are stupid and I hate clubs. I feel like I'm stuck in some cage and I really just need someone to open my cage so I can finally be who I wanna be! Because right now I can't be that person, I don't belong here. 

Even though the beginning of senior year means that high school will be over soon, it also means that I'm going to college, that I'm coming back to my hometown, that I'm gonna meet new people. That makes me so happy, scared, but really happy. I'm planning on going to England on my 2nd year of college. I'm gonna find the place where I belong. 

Timing sucks

Have I found my One Tree Hill?

Fate and werewolves

First of all, I'd like to say that I was really scared about this episode because Jeff kept saying that someone was going to die, Colton tweets about someone we love dying, Holland tweets something that really seemed like a goodbye tweet, and every single person who watches teen wolf became even more scared than before! Including me obviously. The thing about this tv show is that the cast is even more perfect than show. Anyways let's do thisssss, it's review time *lalalalililirururururupammmmms*

2x12: Master Plan

• First scene: Jackson in an ambulance, probably dead. Stiles in a basement with Boyd and Erica and they're probably going to die. 
• Then Jeff kicks you right in the feels with papa Stilinsky. Pleaseeee he's the best! And also with coach and Scott, that was so lovely!
• Derek and Peter pop up and they have an interesting conversation with Scott and Isaac. I'm sorry but Peter is absolutely the best. When Scott tells Isaac who Peter is oh my god I laughed. 
• Ugh Allison... I used to love her. But this is too much. Tired of that bitchy attitude.
• Then we find out that Jackson is not dead (or the kanima... it depends) I was happy! I love Jackson.
• Omg, Lydia and Stiles... I love them so much. Lydia has this perfect little face and Stiles is so in love with her that breaks my heart. But I do think that Lydia belongs to Jackson.
• I loveeeed the scene when Scott asks her mom to zip the thing where Jackson was. 
• The presents' scene with Lydia and Stiles was totally my favorite.
• When Allison's dad appeared to help Scott and Isaac, awesome awesome awesome I knew that he had a good heart.
• Gerard is even worse than everyone thinks and made Jackson transforms in something even bigger and getter than a kanima. Gerard is so mean I hate him. He doesn't even care about his own granddaughter. And Allison doesn't get. Please, she shot Scott! S C O T T! Girls are the worst.
• The fight with the kanima was so cool, not because of the actual fight but because of the music and all those feelings. During that fight I relived every moment of that show.
• The next scene... Gerard is pure evil. This whole thing was not about Kate, it was about him. He's dying so he wants to become a werewolf. Seriously that man is sick. He not only wants to become a werewolf but also an alpha. Buuuuut super vet and Scott came up with a brilliant plan: mountain ash. Eheheheheh 

"You might be an alpha, but you're not mine" 

• Oh Lydia and Stiles appear out of nowhere! And the kanima is about to attack Lydia when she shows the key of Jackson's house. And he actually remembers everything! And when you think you've seen it all, Derek and Peter kill Jackson and he dies in Lydia's arms. Also Allison and Scott hold hands. Yeah now she wants him again. Pls. 
• But then again when you think you've seen it all, Jackson becomes a werewolf. Yup. I'm not sure about it though but I think that's what happened.

"There's no such thing as fate. There's no such thing as werewolves"

• Scott and Allison... well I loved them, still do to be quite honest. Scott is the best. He's always trying to be good for everyone. And he really loves Allison but I'm not sure if she loves him.
• Boyd and Erica are surrounded by werewolves... alphas? i guess.
• Super vet and the counselor? What? I didn't understand that.
• Yup, Derek was trying to build a pack because of the alpha pack. But how can there be an alpha pack if every pack has to have a alpha how can every member of a pack be an alpha?
• Awww the last scene was so freaking perfect. Scott is right, he's right back where he started and that's a cool place. He has his best friend. 

The brushing ritual

I must warn you this is a total random post, but I just feel like telling some pointless details about me. Ok so I found out about this really cool vlog channel that it's called The Lizzie Bennet Diaries and it's like a 21st century adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. The main character (I never actually read the book so I'm not sure if it's the main character or not) of the book is the one who creates a youtube channel and vlogs about her life. It's really awesome! 

Here's the first vlog

On another note, I realized that I make huge life decisions while I'm brushing my teeth. Some people do that in the shower but I like to be different. That's probably because I spend too much time brushing my teeth. Anyways, today while I was doing it I was thinking about my birthday party this year even though my birthday is in December. So my birthday party is always this gathering event because my group of friends... well we're kinda of separated because we're not at the same school anymore and bla bla so my birthday parties became this thing where we all get together and laugh about stuff, play some games, stay up all night watching horror movies. And it used to be awesome, like really awesome. But lately, I don't know it's not as cool as it used to be. I mean, it's not bad but I feel like people don't have fun anymore. Even me! It's fun... but not in an overwhelming fantastic legendary way as it used to be. Now it's just an ok fun. So I'm not sure if I should do it this year... but I'm afraid if I don't do it that it will break us apart and we're already really distant from each other, I don't want more distance. We may not be connecting and suck now, but we were once so united and happy so I really feel that I should give us a chance. But I'm always trying to do that but it's not the same anymore and I'm finally fine with it. 

This was not suppose to be a lame post talking about my friends but the brushing ritual never fails.